I'm half way done with my trainin now. It feels weird to be in that dead zone, trainin away, but I know I need to get this done. It's like somethin is callin me, tellin me I need to finish it up. It's hard to explain. I keep to myself now, pretty much, only really talkin to a few out there, which is for the best. I still haven't seen him yet, although we have been leavin each other notes. I know I will talk to him soon. As I write this, so many thoughts are runnin through my head, that I dare not voice, so I stay in these tombs for now, my dagger and UW slicin through the wretches. I must admit, it does feel good, the feel of there life slippin away with each thrust of my weapons, then pullin them out. I think I'm becomin somethin, but don't know what, for feelin this joy I have with each kill. In the dead zone, that's a different story. It takes all my trainin to be able to progress on to the next target after drinkin numerous potions. All this I know I need to take time to ponder, but I know if I stop to do so, that I may not like what I find out. So, I keep pushin forward, not really thinkin about anything.........

With the encouragement of some great friends, I started my trainin again and finally made it back to where I was. I've decided to go further though, so off to the dead zone I went. At first, like with every new area, I just wanted to explore it, find out what all was in store for me. I stood there, in shock and terrified when I saw the fortress. I couldn't move anywhere for half a marc. I was finally able to get out of there after I got over that initial fear. I ran as fast as I was able to do so, not wantin to ever go back, knowin what was in there. After I got out, I went back to the guild hall, still shaking, and laid down for a fitful rest.

When I woke, I made my mind up that I wasn't goin to let that stop me in my trainin. I stood in Milltown and for the first time in a long time got both blessins and chants. As I was gettin these he woke, so I asked him to meet me there, I wanted to show him what I had saw. I swear, it must be a man thing, this command and conquer stuff. All he wanted to know once he saw it was if there was a way in. A part of me can understand why he wanted to do this, but then that other part of me, I had to fight down to not run away, screamin and cryin. We finally got out of there, not the way I wanted to go, but since I had forgotten to drink a few health potions, it was done. He's now resting as I write this, and for some reason, I am now too terrified to even try to rest.............

It's good to see all the smiling faces around the lands, all the different costumes and such. It really seems like everyone is enjoyin themselves tremendously. I've been able to venture out of that cave more and more the past few days, enjoyin some of the festivities. It's hard though, these crowds. I still don't like em all that much. But I do try my best to sit through whatever activity is goin on.

The guild seems to like my ideas about what the party should be. I am going to start working on the details today. I think it will be a lot of fun for all that are involved.

As for the farmin, I am just shy of my goal, so I should be able to have it accomplished by the deadline I've put on myself. I understand the reasonin behind what he told me about it, and I'm still mullin it over in my head as to what to do. I know the answer will come to me soon...........

I've told the guild what I wanted to do for Fall Festival, so now it's a matter of them letting me know one way or the other. If they don't, to heck with it, I'll do it on my own. It's time that I take control and started actin like a leader than actin the way I've been actin.

It felt so good last night to see some friends awake that I ain't seen in a while. I was able to have a good laugh. I rode the cannons for a while, then ventured down into the tombs to try for one of the banditos, but none were there, so I took the express route out of there. Dang them wretches, I forgot how hard they can hit when they want to, I think I still have a knot on my head from it. Anyways, while at the LM, I got to talkin to Lucy, and after she gave me a portal for the cannon, she wanted to take bets about how long it would take for me to wind up back at that LM. Well, to say the least, one ride was all it took. I couldn't stop laughing long enough to get out of that bag properly, fallin and trippin over everything it would seem. My sides still hurt from all the laughing.

I think it's about time for me to plan a lil getaway with a certain rogue here soon. We got a lot of catchin up to do, I know he's missin me just as I am him, so hopefully soon that can get takin care of..........

I've thought about doin somethin for a while now, off and on for the past few days, but someone mentioned to me that if I did, it would just show them I am weak. So, I'm here farmin away, yet again, to finish this personal challenge I've put on myself. It shouldn't be that much longer, really, before it's completed, then I can gladly say I did it with the help of two wonderful people who I owe big time, more than plat, though, they came through for me like no other has ever done before. I feel I owe them my life. So, no matter what, I will stand beside these two great woman in all they decide to do and lend my support and let them know I will be there for them no matter what.

On a lighter note, it's good to see Lil One as happy as she is. She, of all people, deserves it the most. It brings joy to my heart to see her like this. I do wish her the best in all she does.

I haven't been able to talk to that one person yet, seems our sleeping patterns are different most of the time. I know I will meet up with him soon. There is so much I need to talk to him about. I'll just keep waitin patiently for him to wake. In the meantime, there is a ton of farmin I still have to do, so I best get back to it...........

It still amazes me to think that certain people must believe I am the stupidest, nieve, dumbest person in the lands to not know what they did. It's amazing how things all of a sudden come to light in their own lil ways. I still just sit back and shake my head and laugh at myself over it all. People that are suppose to be your best friends go and do that behind your back......I'll stew over this for a while. It's made me even more suspiscious though of the people that say they are my friends. I mean, I know there are about 4 out there that I can trust no matter what now, but one of em, I'm not all that sure at the moment anymore. I guess it's true what I've always said, eventually the truth will come out, no matter how hard you try to prevent it. I'll just sit back and wait and see what happens. I won't keep my mouth shut any longer when presented with this problem, and who would expect me to do so???????????

Fall Festival has begun. I am back in the lands, still tryin to get my bearings about me. Will take a little time, I know, hopefully won't be much longer now. Still one important person I need to see to make all complete.............

Well, I'm back here, tryin to get my bum into gear and get some work done, but bein as relaxed as I am, I just can't seem to make myself do anything. The next room to the guild hall will be started by the beginning of next week. I do hope them guys like to work, cause this time, I'm goin to sit back and watch em do it.

It seems the sea air has gotten to me this time. My head is all clogged up and I can't stop sneezing, not to mention how my throat feels. But the members of the guild ought to like that part, for the fact bein, it hurts when I talk. And yet, I go about like nothin is wrong, just sleepin more than I normally do. I'm wonderin if Elly would have anything for this. I know she wasn't feelin well not too long ago. I'll have to talk to her and see.

One of my trainees and a good friend have me worried about them. I know I ain't been there like I normally am, but will have to take time out to talk to them both here real soon. Need to find out what is wrong with them and see if I can help them both straighten things out..............

Totally relaxed, not a care in the world. I have all I need, plat in my purse, great friends, great family, even that sis of mine, a great guild, and someone that says they love me and treats me well. The voices have diminished now. I should know when I need to take a break, but yet, I still push myself to that breaking point, never stopping. It's when I do break, when everything starts to take it's toll on me, when I can't really see straight any longer, that I force myself to stop, step back and relax. He's tryin his best to teach me how to relax more, and I'm tryin to learn, it's when I see stuff that needs to be done, I have to do it right then and there, not wait for anyone to offer help, or do it themselves. It's the way I've always been, I suppose, and maybe one day, this thing will change in me, but I really doubt it. He told me somethin last eve that I can't help but smile about. He said there was only 2 things he would change about me, and I know what those things are, which we are workin on together, one will happen in due time, the other, well, he will have to keep me in line about it, and I know with his help, I'll learn to stop doin so..............

It's so peaceful here, sitting on this beach with him beside me, resting. I was able to tell him what was troubling me, and I believe he understood. I suppose only time will tell on that one. I do know that we both needed this little break from everything. I am slowly starting to relax more, trying to let everything go, not think about it. It's harder than what people realize. I mean, not only do I have things runnin through my mind about myself, but also the guild, my family, and my close friends. It's a never endin process it seems. But I am tryin to learn to stop worryin too much, it's hard though, when I've lived most of my live worryin about everything. I can see that it upsets him and that is somethin I don't like to see. So, I will start to work on it as soon as we get back, right now, I'm enjoyin this time with him way too much.............

My days have been long, the nights even longer. The things I need to find out are taking their toll on me, with no one really around for me to voice them to. I am thinking of taking a little break from everything. Waiting for him to wake to see if he wants to travel with me before I leave............